So in the flurry of excitement and organisational chaos of the last few months, there have only been a few days where emotions have peaked and things have become a little overwhelming. I think it’s an important thing to recognise, and something which is pretty inevitable when you move to a new country.
Before our move, I found it particularly difficult saying good bye to Paul, Mus and Becky – and the CSM print studio in Archway. My final goodbye with Becky being a particularly tearful one outside the toilets, flanked by a ridiculous amount of botched together carrying devices to cart all of my prints and frames home with me. I still don’t know how I managed to carry all of that stuff home, the weight of it was just stupid. Then there was the final trip to Essex to visit my grandma – brave face the whole time, but then tears in the car on the way home. The embraces on tubes on the way home after drinks celebrating both friendship and choosing adventure. The goodbyes with my family the day before we left and moments of closeness I’m not sure we’ve experienced since my dad’s kidney failure. Saying goodbye to Gizmo and Luna and moving them to my parents’ house.
We arrived in Canada a little under 6 weeks ago, and I can honestly say that there have only been 2 days in that time where I have become emotional – only 2 days where I have felt the distance. One of which was a tragedy in the public realm that resonated closely with the tragedy that was the beginning of 2017, made ever more acute because of the red walls of our air bnb’s’s bedroom – and I’ve only ever known that one person to have a red walled bedroom….
The other was yesterday, my brother’s birthday. I spent the whole day in a bit of a funk. By the end of work, it was pretty much midnight in the UK. I had left a voice message on whatsapp for him to wake up to, but despite that I couldn’t help but feel like I had failed a little as a sister having not spoken to him on his actual birthday. In the end I managed to skype him, he was luckily still awake when I got home at the equivalent of 1am back in London. He’d had a good day, and I enjoyed every minute of the hour we talked. But like I said – yesterday I couldn’t help but feel the distance.
Squashed bananas and all that